What is family? Is it just a group of people or Is it the most important thing in our life? Is it something we cherish or is it something we Dread being in? Well, many such questions arise in our mind and there cannot be a better time to ponder upon this thought. It is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to find out the true meaning of a family when we are stuck or happy or bored to be home due to the current pandemic.
The family has been the cornerstone of sustained human life since time immemorial. It is not just confined to human beings. Even the animals give importance to family and follow the rules prescribed by families. Elephants are one of those animals. Elephants display complex social and emotional behavior and are said to value their families more than most animals. Elephants follow the matriarchal form of family. They have a matriarchal head, meaning that an older, experienced lady elephant leads the herd. Female elephants help each other to look after each other’s calves. Elephants are known to develop strong, intimate bonds between friends and family members. There have been reports of elephants forming lifelong friendships with each other, and they even mourn the death of their loved ones. Mother elephants have been seen grieving over stillborn calves, and some elephants have even been spotted returning to, and lingering near, spots where their friends and family members died. This is just an anecdote of infinite examples of how valuable family is to us living beings.
Family is precious to every living being, But its relevance exceeds so many boundaries in the context of humans. But isn’t it losing its real meaning? For long, families have been joint, but at present, they are breaking up into very small groups called nuclei families. This shrink in size and number of people in the family has deprived us of interpersonal relations. We have started to neglect our older parents or grandparents. Those who provided the guidance and filled our younger generations with the wisdom of ethics and knowledge of our culture had been left to live a secluded life in old-age homes. In older times or even in present-day villages, where joint families exist, it was easier to find solutions to our many day-to-day challenges as our elders were there to guide us through their wisdom. When we were kids our grandparents used to teach us to distinguish between good and evil, wrong and right through their stories. We all had someone in our family with whom we could confide our feelings. It could have been anyone i.e our grandparents, our siblings or cousins, our maternal or paternal uncle’s/aunt’s.
But nowadays we are leaving them behind in search of a better future. A future full of material bliss. In today’s busy life, we are so invested in building our future that we have stopped living in the present. We are losing that camaraderie with our family members that we used to have. We have forgotten to say, “Love you mom”, or,” thanks Dad for being there for me” or ” I appreciate your support mom&dad” in person. To us, sharing our feelings on social media platforms has become more important than expressing them to those who matter to us.
Families can be very hard to put in a box or be categorized into. As like us, humans, it can turn out in endless ways. It can be good or bad, supportive or ignorant, encouraging or dissuading, and so on. But keeping aside those endless possibilities, let’s just consider a normal middle-class family. There is a father who works harder so that he could provide a better future for his kids. Then there is a mother who is also having a job and taking care of other responsibilities like cooking and other household chores. And then there is a son/ daughter who is struggling to choose between following his dreams or something that his parents want him to be.
This particular family might look familiar to you. You might wonder what’s the relevance of this family? Or why is this family important? Well, let me make one thing clear, that it’s not. Rather, what’s important, is how does this family chooses to live? Do they choose to live in denial or acceptance? Does this Family care or just pretend to care? will he or she share his/her sorrows or failures or a bad day at the office with other family members or will just bury those feelings somewhere deep inside their hearts. When the kid performs well they will feel proud, but will they say that “I am proud of you kid” or will they be consumed so much in the ecstasy of success that they will forget to appreciate their kid.
If the kid fails at something will they be equally supportive? Will they say, “you have let us down, or, will they say, “failure is not the end of life, just try harder next time”. After coming back from their work how will they choose to spend the rest of the time? Will they just complain about how tiring their day was and go to bed or bury themselves neck down in their mobile laptops or television sets. Or rather they will spend quality time together sharing their good or bad experiences and their wisdom with the kid and prepare him to face the challenges that life will throw upon him, head-on.
Our family bonds are getting weaker and it’s highly unlikely that the father or mother who is having a bad day or a real crisis will choose to share it with their families. It’s because they don’t interact with their family anymore. This lack of communication has created a void and keeps them from sharing. They refrain from sharing their grief by convincing themselves to think that it might trouble others. The kid who is struggling between choosing his dreams or what his parents want him to be will end up killing his dreams or being a rebel (by choosing something he wants but by ruining his relationship with his parents by letting them down).
This is the very defining moment, as it will decide whether this family will thrive or crumble? Will they become a beacon of hope or will there be darkness all around. But here at this very moment, I would like to tell you to stop, keep this book or article aside and take a plunge into your hearts and find that pearl called, “family” for yourself.
Ok, that’s enough. Hope you are done diving or at least tried to do so. Now let’s all. go back to the point where the father, mother, or the kid is facing the dilemma of sharing his or her problems but choose not to do so. What do you think is going to happen? In utmost likelihood they will be left alone with their problems, as they decided not to share, isn’t it? Now the vital question is, that, where will it lead them to? It might lead them to a situation where they find a way out of this problem alone or end up being seriously or rather alarmingly depressed, on failing to do so. The kid, who neither possesses the wisdom nor the counseling from his parents(as they were too busy in their life)will either do wonders chasing his dreams or fail to try to do something, which he shouldn’t have.
But what if they choose to open their hearts? Every individual member, who is facing some personal scarcity, decides to let go of his/her fears and share his issues or problems with the family. we all can say, very confidently that he or she will end up getting valuable suggestions to solve his problems, chances of solving which were looking very gloomy till now. The words,” we are here for you” will fill his heart with overwhelming hope and joy.
The kid who was bewildered to choose between his dreams or whatever his parents want him to be will more likely be able to decide, as to what’s best for him/her based on the suggestions and feedback received From his parents. The ideas that will teach him to accept failure but crave and work even harder so badly, that nothing could stop him from achieving his dreams.
Family can have different meanings to all of us. Some of us can love it, some can hate it, and so on. But to me, family means the world. In my experience, family means having someone, who loves you unconditionally despite your shortcomings or flaws.
I still remember that phase of my life when I was struggling with everything; uncontrollable emotions(mostly anger and frustration), failures, and unsatisfactory results. The transition from my teenage years is never smooth for anyone, let alone me. It’s that part of your life when you are out of school and on the brink of entering college life, to give wings to your dreams. But, for me, it was the toughest phase, as my failures had let me down. When others were dreaming big, I was lost; clueless, and purposeless.
The feeling of missing out and the fear of an uncertain future, made me sink into depression. It gave me sleepless nights and teary eyes. I had lost hope. But, while I was sinking deep into the ocean of depression, I saw a glimmer of hope and heard a voice calling my name. I paddled my feet with the hope to get hold of that lending hand. A moment later I was ashore and surprised to see, nothing but my family besides me.
My parents had sensed the trouble I was going through and were to my rescue immediately. I learned a very important lesson that family means, loving and supporting one another even when it’s not easy to do so. My parents must have been disappointed by my failure, but, they had not lost their hope in me. They were there for me when the going was tough. They told me, “It’s not the end of life son, we have faith in you”. The faith they showed in me gave me the reason to live and to dream again.
India is a great country. We are the most ancient of civilizations and with a culture so ancient as nowhere else to be found. We have so many legends in the form of written scriptures which guides us throughout our life. Ramayan and Mahabharata are two of the most important epics and at the center of which is family and the values associated with it.
Arjuna is one of the famous protagonists from our epic Mahabharata who was faced with the dilemma of what to do, at the Battle of Kurukshetra. But with the help and guidance of his mentor and charioteer Lord Krishna he got free from all the dilemmas of life. By the guidance of the Lord, Krishna Arjuna conquered his fears, his mind, and also the Battle of Kurukshetra. We all have an Arjuna inside us and a Krishna(in the form of our family) to guide us. All we need is to take a leap of faith and trust our family.
I am sure you all too must have had many experiences with your families when their support gave you strength. I guess that’s what a family is. A ray of hope, a shoulder to cry upon, a pillar of strength, an ideal to look up to. Let’s open up to our families. Let the family be our guiding light. Let us care for, share with, and celebrate having this greatest gift of God, “family”.
Pen&Paper 
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